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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Bendik gets his horoscope read, part three

First, apologies to my readers for boring them with the first two parts of this series. There will be many more, until I have exhausted my supply of emails from Jenna, but I will try to include more commentary and less verbatim quoting from now.

So my dear friend Jenna the Astrologer is emailing me again.
I received one email in the beginning of October, saying that my wonderful, full-of-opportunities Transit Period was going to be from 27 October 2008 to 7 January 2009.

Finally some actual, testable claims! If you read the previous entries in this series then you probably spotted the vague, generic, Forer-style Cold Reading in those. I was overjoyed to see a date, an event which I could compare Reality to when it arrived.

As expected, she also said that I did need her help, getting a more detailed reading, to get the most of this period in my life. I did not understand why. If it was Destined In The Stars that I was to have a period of prosperity, then surely it was Destined no matter what I did. Or rather, whatever I was Destined to do, would fit into my Destiny. Sorta self-referential, these Destinies.

A week later I received another email saying she was disappointed that I did not choose to act on this amazing offer, and that the price got reduced from $60 to $45 because of the superstrong bond we shared since my first contact. I ignored that one too.

Another week later, another one.
And another one one week after that again.
And yet another on the day when my Transit was about to start.

So my Transit period started. I was promised fortune, love, money, everything in it but... (spoiler alert) nothing special happened during the period. It was a totally uneventful period apart from all the usual things that happen in that period. (My birthday, Christmas, New Year's, and all those entails) In fact I will go out and say that it was a totally mundane and average period. I did not find fortune, not find love, and no special happiness.

Well okay one special thing happened midway in the period, and that was another email from Jenna my Personal Astrologer!
It had now been a month and a half since my last email from her, and two and a half since the last with any substance, so I was quite surprised to see it.

Jenna says she had not given up on me and had taken the initiative to make me a Crystalline Reiki Grid! The explanation offered is so good I will quote it here:

There is no magic or sorcery in all of this. We now know that magnetism exists as it has been proved by scientific techniques and it is certain that this energetic field can have extremely beneficial effects. The technique of the grid has existed for thousands of years and is extremely efficient. [...] To make this grid work properly for you and so that you get the best out of it's influence, all you need to do is to concentrate on the photo which I have attached to this email. The grid will then be 'activated'.

I just love this paragraph. We know that magnetism exists, indeed. The rest of it is just total and utter mumbo-jumbo. And that is what is so great a bout it. It just sounds so... plausible! Or at least authoritative. Or something.

Anyway I concentrated on the photo for a couple of moments and activated my grid. Dunno what else was supposed to happen. Nor really did I understand how this grid would sense that I was concentrating on a picture of it halfway across the world, but that's Reiki for you.

"An energy friendly environment in which a full spectrum of color and frequency can vitalize and balance the chakra system."

I couldn't make up a sentence like that if I tried.


  1. a lot of people have gotten the same picture of the same grid with the same emails from jenna.i have, at least. and this other person named karen, and a person named humana. they got the SAME emails. i'm not trying to disappoint you, i just want to tell you.

  2. That was expected, not disappointed at all. I would not believe for a second that that picture was made only for me, or that I had been receiving anything but standard form letters with my name pasted in on certain places.

    I'm trying to show that this is all a load of bunk.

  3. thank you for looking out i realy dont have the money to waste .